Dating Etiquette 101 – What not to do on a date
As men, we tend to blunder about a bit when it comes to first impressions with the ladies. We don’t realize what we’re doing, we’re not able to read the signals so well.
The ladies, they’re the masters of subtly, sending and receiving all those little signals, they operate on a totally different level to us and have a completely different, one might go so far as to say alien, set of priorities.
And that’s why so often we blow it without even realizing what we done wrong, because we’re oblivious to the signals, send all the wrong ones ourselves and still don’t really understand what, exactly, a woman actually wants when going out on a date.
See, deep down we’re still warrior hunter-gatherers – just two notches up from a bunch of stubborn, chest-thumping gorillas. And while every lady needs to be reassured that the man she’s with is strong, brave and can protect and provider for her, she doesn’t want to go on a date with Captain Caveman either.
Every lady wants a gentleman. And there’s the clue, it’s right there in the word itself. He must be gentle, but at the same time he has to be a man. Not too much of one or the other, but a nice happy medium.
Stop now and think about this for a second, it’s so simple yet so profound. When I first learned this secret, the answer to the riddle of the gentleman, it really blew my mind.
So consider it now; a man is born, a gentleman is cultivated and underneath the polished exterior beats the same heart as any other man – hot-blooded, hungry and horny as hell.
But with a gentleman the beast within is well under control. And that’s a large part of the appeal – being a bloke who’s cool, calm and collected, who’s in control and got it sorted, who reads the signals effortlessly and never misses a beat, who’s strong but sensitive and knows exactly how to treat a lady.
They don’t teach you this sort of stuff in school, however, and your mates, let’s be honest, they haven’t got a bloody clue, so if you’ve got a date coming up and want to be the perfect gentleman, read on.
Dating Etiquette – What not to do on a Date
Preparation
(Read the Top 10 Fresh Tips for your next date)
Do pick and prepare a venue in advance
A bar or a restaurant is better than the movies for a first date, because it allows you to speak. Don’t pick anyplace boisterous, though, it should be quiet enough so you can speak easily, but with a little background bustle, chatter and music. That way when things do go silent it doesn’t start to feel like a spaghetti western shootout in a ghost-town.
Don’t forget to book a table if the place you’re going requires it.
“No it’s ok, I know this other place.” Forget it, it might have been a simple, innocent oversight on your part but she won’t see it that way.
Do take the time to tend to your appearance and personal hygiene properly.
Don’t show up with bad breath.
Seriously, one whiff of dog breath and you might as well forget it.
Do make an effort
Don’t just show up in any old clobber, dress up a bit, same goes for hair, scrub under your fingernails, the whole bit.
Don’t show off.
Yes you want to make an effort, but make sure your dress is appropriate to the place you’re going. If you’re going for a casual drink don’t show up looking like James Bond.
Do make sure you’re early.
Not too early, mind you, because you want to give her time so she’s ready, just maybe a couple of minutes. And whatever you do don’t keep her waiting.
Don’t pick her up in a wheelie bin.
That doesn’t mean you need to rent out a Rolls Royce or anything, but if you’re collecting her in your car make sure you clean it out a bit first, take it to the carwash and so on.
Do all those clichéd gentleman things.
Opening the door, pulling the seat out, all that stuff – yes, it sounds cheesy, but it matters. Don’t forget it’s not just a date, it’s a test, and you will loose points if you fail to look out for these little details.
Don’t forget to bring a gift
Not a big massive bouquet or anything like that, nothing ostentatious, just a small token is all. Flowers and chocolates are the traditional choice or perhaps a bottle of wine.
Communication
- Do make polite conversation
- Don’t take over or dominate the conversation
- Do switch off your mobile
- Don’t run out to make calls in the middle of your date
- Do talk a bit about yourself and your background
- Don’t talk about your exes
Especially if you’ve had a recent break-up, particularly if the break-up was bitter, for some reason it’s like looking at a car crash, we can’t help talking about it – for goodness sake man, avoid the temptation and just shut up about it!
- Do talk about your interests
- Don’t bore her
- Don’t go on and on about your job/business, favorite sport, and so on
- Do ask a little bit about her background
- Don’t talk about things like religion and politics – y’know those things people fight all those wars about?
- Do Listen – as in, really listen
- Don’t get distracted
We’ve a short attention span, us blokes, we’re always looking around like daydreaming kids in school staring out the window
- Do look her in the eye
You should maintain your attention and eye contact on your date and your date only
- Don’t let your eye wander
And don’t think for a second, the next time that foxy redhead waitress walks by again that you can grab a quick look at her ass and your date won’t notice – believe me she will!
Personality & Behavior
- Do be sensitive, open and honest
- Don’t be a wuss
Everyone wants a sensitive guy, but nobody likes a whiney little wuss
- Do pay her compliments
There are no end to the nice things you can say to a lady
- Don’t be an idiot
Just FYI: “That dress is very slimming” is not a compliment!
- Do try to be yourself
That is, the best parts of yourself
- Don’t be a showoff
You shouldn’t have to fall around just to impress a lady, you don’t really need to do anything, you should be impressive in and of itself
- Do mind your p’s and q’s
And, more to the point your F’s and B’s. It’s all right cursing and swearing around the guys, but you’re not with the guys
Dining
- Do try to be romantic
A nice candlelit restaurant, with good ambiance is always a nice idea, can’t go wrong with that
- Don’t be a cheapskate
If you invite a lady out to dinner it should be quite obvious that you pay
- Do order some fine wine
Hey, this is a celebration after all!
- Don’t get hammered
If she gets a little tipsy then all the better. But your date ain’t going to go well if, half way through, you turn from perfect gentleman into a loud, boorish oaf
- Do mind your manners
Please, thank you, pass the salt please. You don’t want to appear like some yobbo who’s never been to a restaurant before, banging on the table and being rude to the waiter. That’s not how gentlemen behave
- Don’t eat like a slob
Remember your mother scolding you over your table manners? If you’ve been on the shelf for a while chances are you’ve grown unaccustomed to fine dining and need reminders. Don’t just scarf down food like Homer Simpson, take your time.
Don’t be like Pacman either, chomping away. Eat a little, have some wine, speak a little, just not with your mouth full. Use your napkin, not the tablecloth and get those elbows off the table!
Afterwards
- Do tell her you had a great night.
- Don’t then ruin it by trying to pounce on her right at the end of it
- Do read the signals. If she wants to take things further she’ll let you know in her own subtle way
- Don’t push your luck.
You might be able to charm your way into the boudoir on night one then again you might not. It all depends on the lady you’re with. The worst thing you can do, however, is keep pushing, pushing, pushing – you’ll come across as desperate.
- Do call back if you promise you will (c’mon we all know they hate that right?)
And, last but not least.
- Don’t tell your mates
What happens between a man and a woman in private should remain private. Oh they’ll jeer and make jokes, but hey, who cares because you’re seeing her again on Saturday night, aren’t you?
